Monday, November 21, 2005

Oh Boy!

Drama, drama, drama

And, people say that American girls are full of all kinds of drama. Let me tell you, I have NEVER had the amount of drama in my life before I married into a South Indian family. Oh my God, what was I thinking? I was so young, niave, and very clueless. I've said before, and I mean it now more than ever, if I had met my in laws before marriage I would have never married my husband.

Why? How could I be so insensitive and disrespectful to my husband?

Well, let me begin with last night's phone call to my in laws. We (or he, dh) calls home every weekend. If not, his parents call asking if I miscarried the baby. (nice) So, I was anxious to hear the newest scoop on them being fearful of me and the tiny newborn. I ended up pushing dh to call. Boy was I sad.

Turns out the in laws had a huge fight over the sale of their home. My mother in law wanted to go to the house and pick up her furnishings. Especially an old dosai/chutney stone hand grinding mill sort of thing. I guess it caused a huge argument because my father in law had told the buyers they could have everything. The buyers told my mother in law she could take nothing from the house that it was theirs now --- even though they haven't paid for the house.

Mother in law hears that her husband had given her things to these people and gets upset. Father in law says she is irrational and they don't need anything there anyway. Why cause problems. This doesn't help her. So, he tells her that if she doesn't like it she can leave.

So she walks out.

Yup, she is gone. She says she has no intention of coming back unless he comes to get her and ask her back. He says he is having a hard time feeding himself, and wants her back. He also alleges that she has complete control over the money and treats him like a slave. She says its all hogwash.

After about three hours back and forth trying to mediate dh gives up. He says, I send money home every month. I'll split it between the two of you. You tell me where you are staying and I'll send it. I don't want your problems and hangs up the phone.

Ah, great. You see, when they come here this is the type of thing we will be dealing with. A new screaming baby, a husband trying to adjust to this little creature that sucks his wife's time, and screaming in laws that he will also have to mediate. Do you see the strain on the relationship?

People always quote my in laws stats about Americans and how they divorce all the time. Especially, when married to an Indian. Dear LORD! If it wasn't for the in laws we'd have a perfect marriage. Do they not see the strain they put on the marriage?

Isn't also sad that after all these years of marriage (in their 70s) they can't work anything out. They are still fighting for power and control over each other and the relationship. Sheesh. Aren't you tired of all this yet? I mean I've only been married to dh for four years and I am clean tired of it. Dh takes it in stride - I've been doing this since I was a child.

Wow, what an awesome childhood. Not only do you have peer pressure and the normal kid teasings (esp, since dh was so light skinned) but have to deal with your parents arguing all the time. Then, on top of that, to have to mediate their arguments. That is no place for a child.

SO, this means that this is crap that comes into my home. *UGH* I really need a stress ball!

Dh said that this was the last straw. We were not going there and they definately are not coming here to visit. If it takes two years to see the child than fine - that's the way it is.

We'll see how long that lasts. I think that attidue will be over before Saturday rolls around again. I bet that he'll feel so guilty about the way he spoke to his mom he'll call an apologize before Thanksgiving....I'll keep you posted....